Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
Get unstuck from the negative cycles that keep you distant and disconnected..
Do you keep having the same fight over and over again, stuck in a negative and depressing loop? Or maybe, the spark or connection has faded and it feels more like you’re roommates living parallel lives or worse, in silence?
Relationships require real work, but most of us have never been taught what that is or how to do it. When your relationship needs repair work, that doesn’t mean it’s over. In fact, you might just be at the start of finding something much deeper and more fulfilling.
No matter what stage of a partnership you’re in, there will be conflicts that arise, miscommunication, emotional injuries, and difficulties around feeling like your partner cannot hear or understand your needs. These challenges are natural. How you navigate them makes all the difference. Do you fight, or go cold, and turn away from each other? Or can you open up, trust, lean in, and take the necessary steps to reconnect?
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or a new one, living together or separately, contemplating a deeper commitment or already there, or exploring a major transition in your relationship, I work with couples of all genders and orientations who want to face their challenges with honesty and compassion and build a secure base of connection and trust.
You may be seeking help with
- Communication issues
- Recurring conflict
- Distance in the relationship
- Loss of connection and vitality
- Loss of emotional or physical intimacy
- Infidelity and other emotional injuries
- Sexual problems/disconnection
- Infertility and/or the roller coaster of assisted reproduction
- Major life decision making (marriage, children, opening the relationship)
- Premarital counseling
- Changes brought on by pregnancy and child-rearing
- Changes brought on by health and status changes
- Reconciling racial, cultural, gender and religious differences
This approach to therapy is for couples looking for a deeper, meaningful way through their struggles - not just a quick fix.
Imagine feeling less scared, less defensive, more connected, and better able to express a deeper level of feeling with your partner. I’m here to show you how.
You’ll learn how to navigate upsetting emotions when they arise, stop the negative reactive fights or distance, and find your way back to healing discussions. You and your partner will be able to communicate feelings and needs so the other can respond, and you both can feel cared for and connected again.
Since 2009 I’ve specialized in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples. EFT is a well-researched approach proven effective at healing relationships by uncovering the underlying sources of distress (rather than just focusing on surface arguments), learning new strategies for communicating and resolving difficult conflicts, and creating new experiences of closeness and security for a lasting resolution.
Together, we’ll develop an understanding of your own reactions and feelings as well as your partner’s. You’ll learn how to navigate upsetting emotions when they arise and find your way back to a place of more comforting discussions around how you’re feeling and what you need.
Helping couples recover and inspire a thriving sexuality
Many couples seek help when their sexual connection has gotten off track, or maybe did not start out on the best track for both partners. It’s hard to ask for help about such a private, vulnerable part of your relationship, and harder still to address the feelings we all have that “something must be wrong with me ” if I can’t get this part of our relationship going strong. We feel broken, and as a result one or both partners pull away, deflect physical touch, until the disconnection gets too great to bear. Please know that you are not alone in this struggle, neither of you is broken, and things really can get better.
I am not a sex therapist, but I have studied sex therapy and worked as a sexuality educator since the earliest days of my career. My expertise is centered in helping couples of all genders and gender expressions figure out what blocks might be in the way of having the full spectrum of sexuality experiences they desire.
In my work, I help couples merge their emotional intimacy with a vibrant and thriving sexual intimacy. To do this requires cultivating compassion, non-judgmental acceptance, and curiosity between the partners to uncover these blocks and begin to chip away at them. That work is best achieved by integrating the sexuality work into the broader couples therapy, so that enough trust and safety is built to allow the partners to find each other again, both physically and emotionally.
